#I always just make myself upset when I make those kinda posts

[salty-an-disco]

uuuuuuuurrrrrrgggghhhh

[seventh-district]

again and again i find myself lamenting that audio roleplay isn't taken more seriously by some people. like yeah, they often have a romantic element, and by nature they usually directly involve/address the listener- and i totally get that those things aren't to everyone's taste. no art or entertainment is universally appealing, and that's okay! but.. it still makes me a lil sad that the "cringe" reputation of asmr/audio rp precedes it. there's a whole lot of talent and creativity being poured into these audios by so many people that i feel goes unrecognized and/or disrespected simply due to the medium that the stories are being told through.

[jenscx]

KISS ME MORE — ning yizhuo

tldr: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

tags fluff, crack, jealousy, non-idol au, roommates, based off that one reddit story, short fic, dialogue heavy, mentions of jmj, hi yunjin! tw for oblivious ning, pacing’s weird kinda

wordcount 5.2k

🎙️ author’s note: happy birthday ning! late fic ik… but i’ve been busy (i’m sorry 😞) hope our dearest main vocal stays happy for the rest of her life! can’t imagine aespa without her 🤍 happy reading~

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 16 hours ago.

TLDR: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

i am currently roommates with this girl, A. we've been staying together ever since we graduated and we’re very close. sometimes we’ll even jokingly flirt with each other but she knows i’m straight and she has never made me uncomfortable before. i’m a foreigner and A has definitely helped me grow accustomed to the culture here. i owe it all to her. which is why i’m confused about my feelings right now.

i’ve never thought of myself to be discriminatory towards anyone and i always welcomed those different from me, regardless of their sexual orientation. however, recently my roommate has come out to me. i supported her and didn’t think much of it after. but here’s where the problem starts. she came back with a girl a few days ago that i recognise from our extended friend group. i have nothing against gay people but when i saw the girl, i just felt so upset. at first i thought it was because i was in a bad mood and all i wanted was to cuddle with A, but afterwards, A would progressively get more touchy with that girl (lets call her Y). every time i would see them, i just felt bad. i wanted to puke at the sight.

i caught them making out on the couch once and i got so pissed off. i think it was because of a rough day but basically when my roommate started to apologise, i just blew her off. Y seemed embarrassed too. i felt really bad afterwards since A was really hurt by my action. she asked me why i was so angry and i just lied saying that something at work made me upset. i don’t want to tell her that it was because seeing her with a girl that i was annoyed.

there was another incident where she brought Y to our weekly game night. all my friends seemed fine with her, except for me. one of my friends, let’s call her M, had to pull me aside to ask what was wrong with me. in that moment, i realised that i was only hurting A and Y by being a jerk. i’m normally a polite person but that day i was being unnecessarily rude to someone i didn’t even know. i chalked it up as wanting only the best for A since she’s a year younger than me and wanting to protect her. she doesn’t really date anyone and she’s very quiet. am i being unreasonable? i really don’t want to be homophobic. i told M all about my feelings of homophobia and she told me that she was dating a girl too. i didn’t know why she brought it up but then she asked if i felt any disgust towards her for being gay. i said no and that her sexual orientation would never change our friendship.

so she asked why do i only feel that way towards A? and i want to extend that question to everyone here too. can someone help? do you have any experience with something like this? i don’t want to lose A as a friend. she’s one of my best friends and i can’t see myself not standing beside her in the future. we’ve been through a lot together and i don’t want this to be the reason why we end our friendship. she’s never once complained about my dating life and it feels hypocritical to do the same to hers. but i just feel queasy whenever she brings up other girls. like i want to bash my head against the wall type.

do i have selective homophobia? can someone help?

⇧ 157 | ⇩ | 89 comments

u/betterthingz01 | 12h

op i hate to break this to you… but i think you might be in love with your roommate.

u/throwawaylizard | 12h

can you elaborate? please!!!

u/flatearther | 11h

Are u sure u don’t have a crush on A? Or that u are straight?

u/throwawaylizard | 10h

uhm well i’m straight… so i don’t think i have a crush on A but if i was into girls, i’d definitely fall in love with her!! she’s really sweet and caring.

u/flatearther | 10h

Oh 😭😭

u/mingmingz | 7h

how do you feel if your roommate brought back a different girl? maybe you just don’t like Y as a person?

u/throwawaylizard | 7h

she used to bring other girls around too i think they were just friends though. i felt the same way but just seeing her kiss Y makes me want to throw up :((

u/blueskies444 | 5h

have u tried talking to ur roommate? i think communication is the best solution here

u/throwawaylizard | 4h

i talked to her a few days ago, asking her if she could stop bringing Y to our hangouts or apartment because it feels weird. our friend group only really consisted of five people and as bad as it sounds, Y just felt like an intruder. she kinda looked at me weird before agreeing. but then she asked if i would be fine if she went to Y’s apartment instead and obviously i said it wasn’t any of my business. A got a little upset and we haven’t been talking recently…

u/blueskies444 | 4h

i’m gonna be real w u for a sec and say that A is most definitely trying to get u jealous

u/throwawaylizard | 3h

why would she do that?

u/blueskies444 | 2h

yeahhh i’m not the one who should tell u why

“ning yizhuo, why am i getting messages from jimin unnie saying that she found your reddit post?” minjeong’s voice shrills out behind yizhuo. the girl shrinks, shivers running down her spine at the thought of anyone finding out about her post. she had resorted to reddit for help after much consideration and even aeri had said that reddit was surprisingly helpful at times.

“that’s not me! you’ve got the wrong person!”

minjeong rolls her eyes and tosses her phone onto yizhuo’s desk, “that’s literally you. ddongie would be upset to know that he’s a throwaway lizard.”

yizhuo instantly protests, “that just means that it isn’t my main account! i didn’t want people to find my real account.”

“oh, so you are throwaway lizard?”

she cowers at minjeong’s intense gaze, knowing that her little slip up just cost her whole facade.

“well the comments were helpful!”

“did you not reread what you typed out?”

minjeong’s genuine tone makes yizhuo hesitate.

“yeah? did i make a lot of spelling mistakes…?”

“no! did you not realise?” minjeong asks again. yizhuo huffs, swerving back around in her chair, “realise what? that i’m a bad friend? y/n hasn’t talked to me in days.”

just as she said in her reddit post, you haven’t spoken a word to her ever since that day she confronted you. yizhuo doesn’t think she was super mean with her words but the way you had reacted made it seemed like she killed your whole family.

she had only said, “hey, can you stop bringing yunjin over?” and her mere words had launched a full-blown argument where you had insinuated that yizhuo was jealous that you had someone to rely on.

it couldn’t have been further from the truth! yizhuo would never be upset about your happiness. any semblance of bitterness had lessened when she saw how bright your smile was or how much you were laughing when yunjin would tell a joke.

(she didn’t find it funny but at least you laughed. yunjin was the epitome of dad jokes. she was not funny.)

“she really hasn’t? wow, she’s determined,” minjeong chuckles.

yizhuo rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her sketchbook. a few scrawned out designs, nothing much. just to take her mind off this situation for now. the pencil drawings somehow only manages to ensure that her brain constantly thinks about you though. how you encouraged her to enrol in a fashion course and how you were certain that yizhuo would become the biggest designer ever known.

she would giggle at your claims and humour you. now all that was left was your silence.

“why would she be determined to ignore me?” yizhuo asks, sighing, “i was upset but now it just seems like she thinks i don’t want her to be happy.”

minjeong raises an eyebrow, “what did the comments say? did they help?”

yizhuo huffs just thinking about the reddit comments. none of them really helped her to identify her feelings. just stating that she was gay and in love. both wrong!

“they said i’m in love with y/n and i’m jealous of yunjin,” she answers coolly, trying not to get too worked up over the false accusations.

minjeong winces, “do you think they’re right?”

yizhuo furrows her eyebrows.

“no?! i’m not gay!”

“but do you like y/n?”

“no! she’s just a very good friend!”

the brunette sighs, “that’s what they all say.”

“minjeong!”

yizhuo couldn’t be in love with you. no way. you were really just a good friend. one of her closest. she adored you greatly and wanted the best for you.

“so why are you so upset?” minjeong asks.

“i don’t know! that’s why i’m asking reddit! but now i just look like an idiot,” yizhuo groans, wanting to pull her hair out of frustration, which truly shows how irritated she was. she would never harm her hair.

“yizhuo, have you ever considered that you’re not as straight as you thought?”

yizhuo turns back to face minjeong, who’s sitting on her bed. she thinks back to all the times you’ve hung out with her. the lingering touches of comfort. the warmth she felt whenever you spoke.

she just wants her friend back. and she doesn’t know why she’s acting so unreasonable. could minjeong have a point? what if yizhuo…

“oh my gosh! i’m jealous since she’s out and gay—”

minjeong lights up, squealing, “yes!”

“and i’m just a straight girl without any confidence! i’m jealous of her confidence!”

minjeong deflates almost instantly.

yizhuo knows she’s right, so she immediately hatches a plan to talk to you. one comment said communication was vital in preserving this friendship, so yizhuo jumped into action. she knew you had your shifts at night and yizhuo could catch you off-guard right after. your work usually ended late and yizhuo always dozed off on the couch waiting for you. recently that routine has been broken, of course, but that’s when you’re most susceptible to vulnerability. yizhuo needed space to be honest and truthful.

thus, she waits patiently in the living room. yizhuo’s not really sure how long your shift lasts but she normally hears your keys jingle at midnight, so maybe then?

she waits an hour. then another. and then another. she spends the time scrolling on instagram, a frown forming on her face when yunjin appears on her feed.

then, finally, she hears the door creaking. jumping up from her lying position, yizhuo sits upright, focused.

“oh,” is your first word to her. not ‘hi’, or ‘hello’, just an acknowledgment.

yizhuo blinks at the sight of you in your work attire. but she quickly shoves the thought of how attractive you looked into the back of her mind.

“hey,” she winces at her own unfamiliar tone, “can we talk?”

you stare at her in shock before reluctantly nodding.

“yeah, sure.”

she pats the space next to her and clears her throat as you sit down.

“i know i’ve kind of been a jerk lately especially to you and yunjin, but i just want to say that i’m sorry.”

surprise flickers in your eyes, “oh.”

“i talked to minjeong unnie and it really cleared things up. i realised that i was upset because it felt like we weren’t as close as before. knowing that someone like yunjin could come replace me. i was jealous that you had someone while i didn’t. it felt like you were moving on without me, so i got a bit angry. i’m really sorry for the way i treated you and yunjin.”

(their first interaction really went poorly. yizhuo had came home, ready for a long movie night, just to find a random girl (well, not really random) sprawled out on her couch.

“i’m home,” yizhuo calls out, carefully approaching the body. long and lanky is the first thing she notices. and the bright red hair. yizhuo dyed her hair red before, it stained her pillowcase cover. she wonders if this girl’s pillowcase covers are stained with red dye too.

“hey, how was your day?” you ask, laying beside the girl, “sorry, this is yunjin. we just finished a gym session together with aeri unnie. minjeong unnie knows her.”

no wonder why you were barely dressed. yizhuo scrunches her nose at the sight of yunjin’s arm wrapped around your bare torso. she nods and asks quietly, “why is she here?”

you laugh, “i was bragging about my post-gym lunch and she said she wanted to try.”

yizhuo’s never tried your cooking before. she feels a little out of place now.

“ah, okay,” she replies dryly, not bothering to keep her volume down, “is she going to be here all day?”

yunjin wakes up at the commotion, a little disoriented as she shifts.

“oh, shit. sorry, y/nnie,” yunjin yawns, sitting up, “sorry ning, i accidentally fell asleep.”

“it’s yizhuo. only my friends call me ning,” she spits out. you send her a scalding look that makes her want to retract her words, “whatever. sorry. see you guys later.”

at night, just before you leave for your shift, you reprimand her, saying that she was extremely rude to someone she didn’t even know. yizhuo had tuned out most of your scolding, not wanting to hear you defend yunjin.)

“oh…”

yizhuo swallows harshly, squeezing her eyes shut, “i just need you to know i’m not praying for your downfall or anything. i want the best for you, especially since you feel like my younger sister.”

as soon as she finishes her little speech, she opens her eyes to your flabbergasted expression. eyebrows furrowed with your mouth agape.

“uhm… can you forgive me?”

yizhuo really needs you to forgive her. she doesn’t know what she would do if you decided that this was the breaking point for your friendship. she would respect your decision but still, it wouldn’t be nice. who would want that? and if you decided to end the friendship, what would happen with the apartment? yizhuo really likes being roommates with you. it would suck to have to find another roommate as meticulous as you.

“well— uhm, of course,” you stutter, “i gotta go shower. sorry.”

“oh, okay.”

just as you’re about to get up, yizhuo reaches for your hand, “we’re okay, right?”

she watches your throat bobble before rasping out, “yes. we’re fine.”

wow! yizhuo mentally pats herself on the back.

that was so easy. it felt like a whole weight got lifted off her chest. yizhuo smiles to herself and enters her own room, proud.

(meanwhile, in your own room, you vent to yunjin, bewildered by yizhuo’s obliviousness.

“she said i’m like a sister! her absolute gall! and she said it’s because she’s upset she doesn’t have someone like me! your whole jealousy tactic didn’t do shit!”

“girl, calm down. i didn’t know you liked the dumb ones. who knew she was so stupid?”)

you stare at yizhuo, who’s trying her best not to show any disdain for the way yunjin’s arm was slung over your shoulder. she must either be extremely self-repressed or just stupid. probably both. unless she didn’t actually like you. that thought, you didn’t dare to entertain. the once confident and bold girl had turned into this timid and shy kitten.

“take a shot if you’ve kissed someone in this room before!” aeri reads out the card before gulping down her drink. minjeong and jimin do the same and so do a few others. when yunjin shakes you ever so slightly, you take the initiative to swallow down the burning sensation. yizhuo’s glare narrows before she turns away entirely.

subtly grinning at her act of jealousy, you hum happily. there’s an outcry of people asking who aeri kissed and the attention shifts away. most people in your extended friend group had assumed you and yunjin to be dating. the only people who knew the truth were minjeong and aeri. jimin was kept in the dark since well, truthfully, she couldn’t keep a secret from yizhuo.

“take a shot if you ever kissed someone of the same gender.”

there’s more people drinking this time. you drink yours after a refill and so does yunjin. your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when yizhuo drinks as well. wasn’t she straight?

“who did you kiss?!” jimin screeches.

yizhuo wipes her lips, glistening with alcohol, “a friend. it was a dare in high school.”

you listen with rapt attention as aeri eggs on, “was it good? are girls better than guys?”

“well, it was definitely less sloppy,” yizhuo shrugs, giggling. her blush has worsened under the lighting and you can tell she’s at least tipsy now. the redness was currently spreading throughout her cheekbones and neck. you would coo at the adorable sight of her pouting and playing with the soju bottle if she wasn’t the stupidest girl on earth. you noticed how yizhuo drank every time yunjin squeezed your shoulder or you leaned into her touch. was she seriously still so thick?

“take a shot if you ever crushed on someone in this room,” aeri groans, downing her glass again. you drink yours and others follow. it wasn’t unexpected. you were seventy percent sure that most of the guys had crushed on jimin before, at least for a second. or maybe hanbin. he was cute too. that, you could admit.

“aeri… why are all the questions about dating?!” jimin whines, flopping onto the carpeted floor. minjeong winces before exclaiming, “i think she’s drunk now. let’s call it a night, okay?”

you agree. yizhuo looks seconds away from passing out as well and despite your recent gym endeavours, you do not want to carry a twenty four year old woman back home. yunjin taps your side and slyly tilts her head towards yizhuo, who’s leaning against the couch.

“go save your princess, romeo,” she whispers and stands to help minjeong clean up.

after all the bottles had been cleared, you crouched to yizhuo’s eye level, “ning, let’s go. it’s time to go home.”

her eyelids flutter open and she blinks at you wearily, “home?”

you nod, standing to wrap her arm over your shoulder to steady her. finally on her two feet, you bid goodbye to everyone and make your way home, albeit slowly.

every minute or so, yizhuo would jolt and nearly topple over. right as you reach your place, she leans over to the sidewalk drain and gags. you let go instantly and take out your phone to record her. next time she wants to get drunk, you’ll just show her the video. let her reflect.

“yizhuo, hurry up, i wanna shower,” you complain, dragging the hem of her shirt.

“o-okay…!”

“uhm, you have to get up.”

yizhuo nods again, wobbling as she stands. you grip her wrist and pull her into the apartment lobby. her body weighs heavily onto yours in the lift and you huff at the stench of alcohol.

“you smell bad,” you sigh.

“really?” yizhuo giggles, “you don’t like it?” the elevator dings.

she turns around to rest her head on your shoulder.

“i shouldn’t have gotten so drunk…”

“no kidding. c’mon you big baby.”

finally, after much effort, you manage to get yizhuo onto the couch. you’re heaving and panting at the end but at least she’s comfortable.

“please never get this drunk again,” you groan, flopping onto the couch.

yizhuo moans, “not my fault.”

“yeah? who’s fault is it then?”

she flips herself around, facing the ceiling, “y-yours.”

“how is it my fault?”

“you and yunjin…” she slurs out and your heart leaps.

“how is it our fault?”

“you keep touching each other,” yizhuo inhales sharply before mumbling, “i hate it…”

grinning, you pat her back.

“yeah. it’s my fault. sorry baby.”

“hmfph…”

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 4 hours ago.

UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

hi guys! so i know some of you all have been asking for an update and here it is. there’s really nothing much that has changed? we’re back to normal, mostly. A doesn’t bring Y around as much anymore which honestly, should make me feel guilty but i don’t. we had a talk and i think it went rather well. i told her i felt like i was left behind and she forgave me for being so shitty.

it feels like this was just a hurdle in our friendship and we’re closer than ever. she’s become really touchy with me and i appreciate that things are back to normal. she’s been initiating talks and hangout sessions which boosts my mood immensely. i’m really happy with the progress we made. we’ve even started cooking together and it feels awesome. Y had tasted her cooking before and i didn’t. so it felt like this hole in my heart had been patched up. our movie nights have become solely ours and everything’s great. she’s the sweetest girl i know and the most caring, so i really do feel happy that i have my best friend and roommate back. our cold war was doing a toll on my mental and physical health but a simple conversation had cleared the air so easily.

sometimes when she brings up Y since she still hangs out with her, i do feel a little upset. she told me they aren’t dating, just good friends. but other than that, we’re cool. thanks for all the comments! i’m glad i’m not homophobic :D

⇧ 178 | ⇩ | 102 comments

u/imissher | 3h

op you can’t be serious…

u/throwawaylizard | 3h

? what’s wrong

u/imissher | 2h

it feels as if you haven’t really solved this ‘homophobia’ issue. just put it off to the side.

u/throwawaylizard | 2h

IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC 😭

u/mingzmingz | 2h

well i’m glad? as long as you guys are happy ig. idk what’s up with gay people

u/throwawaylizard | 2h

thank you! i’m not gay though.

u/japansfinest | 1h

HOLY SHIT NING

u/throwawaylizard | 1h

OMG DONT DOX ME???

u/japansfinest | 1h

GIRL BE SERIOUS RN 😐😐

u/1800hotnfun | 1h

i strive to live as blissfully ignorant as you, op

u/throwawaylizard | 1h

not very sure if this is a compliment.

things had reverted back to normal. yizhuo was happy again and it seemed like everything was fine.

so how did she get here?

yizhuo had simply gone out to get groceries for your dinner together and when she arrived home, hands full of plastic bags, she heard the tail of your conversation over the phone.

“i don’t think she’s picking up my hints, yun,” you say in hushed whispers, “maybe she really is straight. or she just doesn’t like me.”

despite yizhuo’s moral compass, she decides to listen in on your conversation. she’s never heard of you liking someone before, or being so insecure. what girl wouldn’t like you back? and you liked a straight girl too?

she can’t hear yunjin’s reply but you let out an exasperated sigh, “maybe she thinks i’m just being a really good friend. i thought she would have already realised i liked her by now. your whole jealousy plan didn’t work either. i mean, it did but not really.”

yizhuo slowly twists the door knob before loudly announcing, “i’m home!”

she hopes that by now, you would have ended the call so she wouldn’t have to interact with yunjin at all.

“oh,” she catches the anxiety in your voice, “did you get everything?”

“yup. there was a sale on apples, so i got those too,” yizhuo says, a little too cheerfully, but she wants to cover up any nervousness. as she places the bags on the kitchen counter, you stand up to help unpack everything.

while you start to arrange all the groceries, yizhuo thinks about your words. liking someone. a girl. a straight girl who was potentially oblivious to your advances?

yizhuo scrunches her nose.

sounds…

familiar.

“hey, did you get healthier milk? the one with less sugar added.”

as you twirl around to ask, yizhuo’s heart gets caught in her throat.

she was the straight oblivious girl.

“uh— yeah. i got both,” she gestures awkwardly to the pile of bags. you nod and go back to sorting everything out. god, she needs a breather. trudging to the couch, she sighs as the softness envelops her. she couldn’t wrap her head around this— you liked her? potentially? definitely?

yizhuo spends the next few minutes having an existential crisis. she was straight! the straight girl that you liked! and that whole jealousy thing with yunjin! you planned that! she can’t believe it. all her nights were spent debating whether she was homophobic or not and it was all a rouse to get her jealous? well, was she jealous? minjeong had seemed intent on getting her to admit that, which she did. but maybe it was because she was jealous of yunjin.

not for taking up your time.

but for being able to touch you and hold you in ways she can’t.

holy shit. she’s not as straight as she once thought.

and she has a huge crush on her roommate.

how could she let reddit comments be right?!

yizhuo stares blankly at the ceiling. you call out from the kitchen, “do you want white or red wine?”

she stands up from the couch, resolute in her decision now.

no wonder you had looked so offended after she sister zoned you! yizhuo would hate it too if all she was to you was an unnie. she wanted— no, needed to be your everything.

“yizhuo?” you ask again, examining the two bottles of wine.

yizhuo almost sprints into the kitchen. the sight of you with your hair up, the cute lace white apron wrapped around your waist, and your focused expression. it has her drooling. everything was so domestic.

how hasn’t yizhuo noticed this sooner?

“white wine please,” she answers when you’re within arms reach.

“are we drinking the whole bottle?”

she stretches out her arms to engulf your body in hers and reads the label on the wine bottle over your shoulder. taking gratification in the way your body shudders, yizhuo hides a pleased smirk.

“hm, should we?” she whispers hotly beside your ear. you shiver before muttering, “maybe. is tonight a special occasion?”

“i mean, it could be,” yizhuo grins, “you were promoted recently, right?”

tonight was one of your day-offs, and you came back recently, boasting about the extra time off you got from being promoted. of course that was celebrated with a simple get together with friends. but yizhuo didn’t get her own special celebration with you.

“yeah? okay, we’ll drink it all then.”

yizhuo smiles into your hair. she’s never felt happier. knowing that her inner frustrations had been settled finally. you were just trying to get her jealous. a good attempt nonetheless, it worked incredibly well. but now she’s certain of her own feelings.

“you smell nice,” she blurts out.

“i used your shampoo. ran out of mine.”

“mhm. smells good.”

yizhuo spots the hint of satisfaction on your face.

“are you complimenting yourself right now?”

“i have really good taste,” she states.

you roll your eyes playfully before detaching her arms but she just slithers them back into place.

“ning, i have to cook.”

“hold on,” she mumbles, “i think we can celebrate another thing.”

sensing your confusion, she continues brazenly, “we can celebrate our first night as a couple, right?”

“what—”

“i’m sorry for being so oblivious this whole time. i got so pissy because i was jealous. apparently, i’m not straight. or i just like you, i don’t know yet. all i know is that i envision myself by your side,” yizhuo explains, “everytime you mentioned yunjin i got upset and it’s because i thought you guys were dating. that’s why i didn’t like any of the girls you brought home either. i’m sorry for saying you’re like my sister. i like you a lot. not in a straight girl way.”

she hears you gasp and she can’t bring herself to continue without your reaction. yizhuo’s been through so much struggle with coming to terms with her identity and feelings and now she wants to get it all out.

“are you serious?” you ask without facing her. she chuckles at the redness at the tips of your ears.

“yeah. sorry for being a jerk. it was because i like you.”

“ning yizhuo— i… wait, let go of me for a minute. i wanna look at you.”

reluctantly, she does so.

you look so pretty under the kitchen light, yizhuo thinks.

“uhm, where do i even start?” you chuckle awkwardly, “i really thought you were into me when we first met and when you said you were straight… i think my heart died a little! but it’s okay, since you’ve been such a great friend to me. i must admit that yunjin did volunteer to be my plot device to make you jealous. i was hurt when you were being rude, so i’m happy you apologised. i like you too. a lot.”

yizhuo grins, heart beating wildly against her chest.

“can you say that again?”

“i like you a lot, yizhuo. can’t believe you called me a sister though.”

“i said i was sorry!”

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 7 hours ago.

LAST UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

hello! i’m glad to announce that this situation has finally been settled with a happy ending. i would like to give you guys a proper explanation and ending for all the help you provided.

first of all, yes, i’m not straight. or maybe i just like A. i haven’t explored that part yet but also, i’m in love with my roommate. i was jealous of all the girls she brought over and i wanted to be the one holding her and making her laugh.

second of all, you guys were right. she was using Y to make me jealous and it worked. so maybe she’s the real mastermind.

and lastly, we’re finally dating. we’ve been taking things slow for now since this is all new to me but A has been incredibly sweet and supportive (as she always is). it’s just a new experience but i’m willing to do anything as long as A is by my side.

thank you all for the help and comments!

it turns out i don’t have any problems with A kissing girls if it’s me she’s kissing.

⇧ 359 | ⇩ | 153 comments

[soobnny]

dating him | bang chan

❝ have i told you how beautiful you look this morning? ❞

CHAN | lee know | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

chan as ur bf wow congratulations

it’s giving strangers to lovers if i’m being fr

u just meet on a random tuesday like nothing out of the ordinary

conversation is made and for SOME reason, chan always feels the cogs in his head stop turning when he’s talking to u

like it feels like he’s constantly on the run all the time so how come with u it’s so different

what did u do to him

well wtvr long story short, he FELL

fell hard

now he’s ur bf

ok hear me out

perk #1: unlimited supply of his hoodies

he’d love it too .. when u wear his hoodie

doesn’t even try to act upset or bothered that u’re stealing his clothes

sometimes he’s the one to even put it on ur bed so u can wear it after u shower

or when u’re coming home from the dorm and when u open ur bag .. oh! his hoodie!

“ah, i must’ve misplaced it 😅😅😅”

yeaaaaaaaaah sure

sure u misplace the hoodie in ur very pink bag instead of his black bag

u’re not very slick christopher bang

u don’t mind tho

his hoodies are always xxxxl in size and it smells like him

perk #2: u have ur own man wife

that man knows how to do everything

he can fix ur sink, build u a table, put oil on ur doorknobs so they don’t harden, can clean, like what can’t he do

have u seen hometown cha cha cha? he’s giving very Chief Hong in his skills

(minho does too but we’ll talk about him in his post)

oh, did i mention he can cook too

one of his favorite little mini dates is when u just go thru cookbooks together

and then … cook

i’m sorry this man is a sucker for domestic things like this

and cooking together means u also grocery shop together

a fun challenge he made up is where u pick up random ingredients and try to make something decent out of it

maaaaaan he’s just giving husband

anyways back to cooking

imagine him in the kitchen right

and he’s tasting something new he made

ofc u’re curious too cos wow whatever the hell he’s making smells and looks good

when you try to ask him if you can taste it, he’d KISS you

“how do you like it? 😏😏😏”

😳😳😳😳

he’s getting bold

he does strike me as shy at first in relationships

and then when u’re together for long, u’re like damn this man kinda freaky

perk #3: his dog

berry loves u

like sometimes even more than chan

(it’s bc u give her extra treats when u can)

u walk his dog together early in the morning

it’s kind of become routine

u’d just get out of bed with messy hair and still in ur pajamas while chan is perfectly ready bc he loves waking up early when he can

u don’t even care that u look like a mess

bc chan always reminds u how beautiful u are every morning

so … messy hair and pajamas … putting the leash on berry and walking outside

it’d just be quiet mostly on the walk

there’s no need for conversation with chan sometimes

chan would say he finally knows what peace means after meeting u

his favorite scene ever is coming home and finding u asleep on the couch with berry

he has a million pictures of that on ur phone

like different days, same scene

sets it as his lockscreen even

on nights u can spend together, u enjoy watching cringy christmas movies w him

cue recreating the scenes

except it’s a massive failure bc both of u just can’t stop laughing

u especially love those christmas movies one

“I DONT HAVE A TWIN WE CANT RECREATE THE PRINCESS SWITCH”

u end up just falling asleep together

ofc not without cuddling and intimate kisses

chan finds he sleeps easier bc of u

he used to always find it so difficult to fall asleep before

so how come it’s as easy as closing his eyes now

btw u two most probably have promise rings

and he most probably wears it as a necklace

and he loves hugging u from behind

chan loves being able to nuzzle his cheek on ur back and hold u

he’d probably do that thing where u’re unaware and then BAM a pair of arms around ur waist

his chin on ur shoulder

oh Wow….. wow i just made myself crazy thinking about that

he’d lean in to kiss ur neck or ur chin bc it’s closest access

and he’d just look at whatever the hell u’re doing

chan loves looking at u

does that sound creepy

he just loves observing u ok !!!!!!

esp when u’re doing something u love

his heart goes 💗💞💕💕💝💘💖💞💓💓

bc that’s his baby

he just adores u tbh

u could just be standing there and chan’s looking at u with heart eyes

anyways whatever CONGRATULATIONS

u guys will probably last forever bc he’s whipped and so in love

he’s giving me the More In Love vibe

like when he falls, he FALLS

happy 4 u

note. credits to user @.luvknow for the layout of this post! let me know what you think! please discuss these with me i’m crazy

[purpdrawsthings]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

special birthday post 💜

[very long yap incoming 💥]

Edit : this was supposed to be released on midnight yesterday right when it turns 20th in my country but I didn't have time so yeah, kinda upset <=[

IT'S MY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the time I post this my phone will be well, closed and I will be unable to access it since it's past 9 and it'll turn back on at 7 in the morning.

This was made one day before the bday btw I did not prepare 💔

Anyways..

Todays the day I turn ▒▒ years old! Oh. Why would I tell my age? Gotta keep that a secret!

Funny fact, the 20th of April is also the same date as when the prophet of Islam Nabi Muhammad was birthed! Crazy amirite?

But anyways, I've gone through so many things. Both sad and also wonderful. Life sure is full of possibilities isn't it? I'm in a fandom about beans and suddenly I'm in a fandom about a Saturday morning cartoon mario shitpost? Never thought that would happen but it did, somehow.

The thing is, you'll never know what ever happens next! Prepared or not, you'll always be hit with the most unexpected occurrences. And that's the wonder of life! It's what keeps us interested and curious!

It's okay to change. I used to promise to myself that I would always stay in the among us fandom! But look where I am now. I used to think that I was a bad person for doing that, but now I realize that, it's okay! It's not like the end of the world happens when you leave a fandom you've been in for 3 years!

Looking back at old things may be cringe to most, but it's always nice to feel that nostalgia that you haven't felt in a while! It really shows how much you've grown for the past few years!

I used to be really terrible with animation. Like- really ass. But since 2024, my animations have started to become much better! It just takes time and patience. Thing won't always go your way and you shouldn't rush everything! [ Ironic considering that I always rush stuff 💀 ] Taking your time slowly but surely will pay out and you'll have a good result in the end!

Now those few past paragraphs I literally said earlier made no sense whatsoever considering I just talked about life but in a non rearranged order. So I'm sorry for that one 😭

But anyways, all I wanna say is, thank you. For everything. To everyone here! Involved or not, I could NOT be here if it weren't for you all! You can't BELIEVE how much it has impacted me! I sincerely love you all! 💜 <=3

Being in here for less than a year and having this much is crazy! Like I didn't know you guys liked my stuff! I'm just a silly girl who just draws that's all 💜

For the last part, I'd love to say a few words to some people that I love/admire the most 💜 [ the words I'm about to say may be a bit similar to the ones said in the Christmas special so yeah =[ ]

Neptune - You were my first friend, friendo and best friend. We don't interact a whole lot anymore but I just wanna say, you are an amazing person. You were so supportive and amazing! You always made my day back in amino. And I won't ever forget about that. You've improved so much on your art too! I'm glad to see youre improving so much on your art, and to that, thank you Nep. Thank you for being my friendo. 💜

@rr3d2y - My first friend in the SMG4 community! I WANNA HUG YOU SO BAD IRL 💔 you are seriously such a kind and wonderful person! GENUINELY LIKE YOU SO COOL!!!!! We got along with each other so well like, I didnt know you were that chill smh??? I LOVE YOU AND CHERISH YOU SO MUCH A FRIEND!!!! THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING FRIENDS WITH ME YA SILLY!! 💜❤💜❤💜❤💜❤💜

@mikchi8 - Pulls you out and hugs you and shakes you affectionately. YOU TOO MIKCHI. YOU TOO!! YEAH WE DON'T TALK A WHOLE LOT BUT GENUINELY YOU'RE A COOL PERSON!!! LOVE YA YOU FUNNI PERSON!!! 💜💜💜💜

@superluigiglitchy - I will make art of Oliver soon I'LL GET TO THERE SIDHOSHSKDKDHD 😭 PJ I love ur art and the stuff you do like- A LOT! Like that vanellope AU and also the squib! THE SILLY HIMSELF!!! No seriously how'd you make him so cute siudidjdodjdojdodhdidj /silly we don't a talk a whole much as much as we used to but I'm always interested and up for what u're cooking! Love ya ^^ ! 💜

@jmaknavigr @markboyblue - You both are so kind and sweet like JMA YOUR AXOLOTL GIFTS ARE SIYDIDHDIHDOFJF AND MARM YOUR COMPLIMENTS THEY'RE SO SIHDISHDIDHDKHDKSJS I'LL GET YOU BOTH!!!!!! MARK MY WORDSSSSS /silly /jk /nsrs /lh I'M SORRY FOR NOT HAVING ANYMORE TO SAY BUT JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE U TWO 💜💜💜💜

@tiredsmashbros @strange0-0storm @cookiepopcat @its-a-me-mango - You four have been like my main source of inspiration like HELPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!! YOU ALL ARE STILL VERY COOL TO ME. All of you fours contents are just so unique and well made?? Man that what I really strive for tbh 😭 all I wanna say is you are all creative in your own separate ways and I'll continue praise you four for that, 💥💥💥💥💜💜💜💜

@libbytwq @bear-boi-5 @coralalala64 @4thwallbreakerdraws2 - OKAY I DID NOT EXPECT TO BE FRIENDS/MUTUALS WITH ANY OF YOU. SERIOUSLY 😭. LIKE UH... HOW? You four have like, really cool stuff and people should really see that because y'all are cooking some rlly good art in that kitchen right there 💥 interacting with like all four of you has got to be one of the goofiest and silliest things. Like- sure it's not that chaotic but it can get rlly silly at times and I'm glad for that do what you four do XD 💜💜💜

@michaelscorneroftheinternet @grinnames @dorriostareyes - OH GOD YOU THREE ARE REALLY COOL TOO. Micheal and Dorrio, you boths writing are actually like top notch WHAT ARE Y'ALL COOKING UP WITH CHANGE IN SCRIPT PUT THAT GIF WHERE SOMEONE IS WRITING AND IT'S ON FIRE 🔥🔥🔥🔥 Grinnames you too I know I said this before but ur Godbox au is so interesting very excited to see how that like.. Event... Thing.... Ends =D! You three are all obviously very cool and deserve more recognition 💜💜💜

@alelathedragon - Hey uhhhhh wasn't expecting this huh? I KNOW WE HAVEN'T INTERACTED A WHOLE LOT BUT I GOTTA SAY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME LEND A HAND ON THE COMPETITION!!! I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT AT ALL LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT MY DOORSTEP ALL THE SUDDEN!! Honestly I love broken star like he's such a silly goober AND LOYBOO TOO. HE'S SUCH A CUTIE!!! Man you so cool. Yeah this is what you get for interacting with me muahahhahaa 💥💜

@eliscz @meg-girumi @theclosetcreature @fbanjex @jovialoddity @bidinonsense @h4ppysoki @dakaakula @icedbeverageenjoyer @jibrilthethingart @stargus0k @hplonesomeart @scimagic @the-masked-astro @yasmin70 @fenicearts420 @mrtophat518 @alex-dolmatescu2-0 @change-name-later - YOU ARE ALL REALLY COOL MR PUZZLES ARTISTS IN YOUR WAYS!!!!! SERIOUSLY YALLS IDEAS FOR THIS SILLY MAN ARE REALLY COOL LIKE THE WAY Y'ALL DRAW HIM, HEAD CANNONS AND THE STUFF Y'ALL DID WITH HIM, ARE ALL JUST REALLY COOL!! Will adore you all till the ends of handsome tv man 💜💜💜 /silly

And these are the list of people that I'd like to make messages to but I simply don't have the time and energy to do that so yeah 😔. Just know that I enjoy you all as equally as everybody else before this!! 💜💜💜

@opossol @shygirl4991 @theartistisme24 @art-parasi-te @fruit-sy @dictatortirah @corgibuttdraws @smp-eclair @psinkaaa @rat-n-atty

And for the last bit! A recap of alllllll of my digital drawings since I interacted online! Enjoy 💜

And that's it!.. There was supposed to be a bit where I yapped more but with my real voice but that got scrapped.. =[

Anywaysssss yeah! Thank you for whoever read this far smh ig you have a good attention span 💥💥💥💥

Have a great day every body and most importantly, happy purpday to me 💜

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Follow You Anywhere 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, controlling behavoiour, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You're online existence threatens to leak into your real life.

Characters: Captain Syverson

Note: I couldn't help myself.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

"So... this is what it looks like today?" You aim your camera at the sky outside your window, "sorry, the screen is kinda in the way."

You let out a nervous chuckle and flip the camera to yourself. You make a silly face. You were never overly fond of your image on the screen but the vlogs help. Like a little diary, mostly for yourself. You and your seven followers on Insta.

You bat your lashes and fix the clip in your hair, "oh, I got this free. Yeah, I bought a new hair oil and they threw this in the bag." You let your thoughts run wild from your tongue. You found a journal too daunting, the blank lines leaving you just as empty. This is easier. "Anyway, I shouldn't have spent the money to begin with."

You give another splintered laugh. The one you let out when you're anxious, or scared, or happy, or even mad.  You bite your lip and catch yourself in your digitized reflection. You stop and turn your camera to your bedroom.

"Today, I'm gonna clean this mess. Me and you guys together."

You scour the room with the lens. Your laundry is piled on the floor and you have a stack of books you need to put on the shelf. It isn't the worst it's been but it's getting cluttered.

"But first, we'll have breakfast, can't start the stream on an empty stomach," you chirp and nearly drop the phone, "oops, uh..." You fix your grip and check the number in the corner. You have one viewer; on a good day, it's three, most days, it's just you talking to the void.

You go into the kitchen, just down the short hall from your bedroom, opening into your living room. You go to the counter and prop up the phone so the camera is on you again. You tap your fingers and hum.

"What should we have for breakfast?" You ask. You don't feel as crazy talking to yourself even if there's really no one watching. "Oo, French toast. Gotta use up the eggs."

You go to the fridge and pull out the eggs and the milk. You bring them back to the counter, shuffling around for a bowl, a whisk, and the cinnamon.

You mix up your ingredients and dip the bread, one piece at a time. You put on a skillet and fry up the slices, presenting a stack of three to the camera. You smile and dust some icing sugar over the top.

“Probably shouldn't have all this sugar for breakfast,” you shrug at the camera, “alright, quick break…” 

You put the stream onto the ‘back soon’ page and take your plate to the small foldout table against the wall. You're not a fan of eating on camera. You finish and rinse up before snatching your phone up again.

You return to your bedroom and put the phone on a middle shelf and flip the stream back to live. Still that one viewer…

“Anyway, I'm back,” you wave at the lens.

You hesitate, looking around as you stand straight and spin. Cleaning, right. Before you can set to work, the phone dings.

A message?

You go back to your phone and squint at the chat bubble floating up.

‘Looked delicious too.’

“It was,” you agree with a grin, “thanks.”

‘Don't mean the toast.’

The next message has you blinking. Your nape burns. They can't mean… you clear your throat and giggle.

“Well, let's get started,” you back up and clap your hands, “you know, I've been so carried away with work. This place is a pigsty.”

You sit on the floor and sort through the clothes. You toss them into the basket as you sit in silence. You stop yourself and glance at the phone.

“How about some tunes?” 

You walk on your knees to your bedside and turn on your bluetooth speaker. You go to your phone and find a playlist before pulling the stream back to full screen. As you do, you hear a noise you've never heard before.

‘BourbonBear has tipped.’ Huh? Really?

“Oh, thanks, er, BourbonBear,” you giggle around the name, “how nice. Maybe one day I can afford a proper camera for this, huh?”

You smile and go back to the dirty clothes. You quickly ball up a pair of panties and shove them in the basket. You carry on until they're all untangled.

You move on and tidy your desk, bending underneath to gather up a few loose pens. You make your way around the bedroom, putting away books, fixing the blankets on the bed, and straightening the little figurines on the shelf above the bed.

You grab the stick vacuum and suck up the dirt and proclaim your task done. It took a lot longer than you thought. It's after eleven. The one viewer is still there.

“Whew, okay, I'm gonna get myself washed up and go to the park. Maybe I'll post that later,” you give a thumbs up next to your head as you talk to the phone, “thank you.”

You end the stream and let out a sigh. Your videos aren't much and you doubt they're very interesting but it's like venting for you. Almost like having an invisible friend. You think you will take some pictures of the flowers to share.

🧸

You take your usual path through the park. The walks help you unwind your worries. You try to come after work at least a couple days during the week and both days on the weekend. You find the mindlessness of the routine to be calming.

The deeper you get into the wooded length of the path, you slow to admire the birds in the branches and the critters crawling in the brush. You take out your phone and snap a few photos of a blue jay before it wings away shyly. You smile and flip the cam, smiling as you take a goofy selfie. You can add that to your post.

The path winds ahead and you follow it in the din, listening to the river just down the incline to your left and the tweeting from the sky. You lift your face and inhale the woodsy scent. The sudden crack of a twig startles you and you spin to face the noise. There's no one there. Sometimes you forget other people are free to just walk on through.

You chuckle at yourself and continue on. The path leads out to a suburban street where you like to look at the houses. They're much more spacious and pretty than your grimy brick apartment building.

You come out from the shade of the trees and wander along the avenue. There's a mailbox painted to look like the house it stands before and a little nook for second hand children's books to be borrowed through the neighbourhood. Sometimes you picture yourself living in one of those houses though you don't think it could ever truly be.

As you crane your head, you sense a shadow in your peripheral. You're walking a bit slow. You sidle to the side to get out of the way of the other pedestrian. When no one passes, you look back. No one.

You must be imagining things. You shrug and plod along. You're already thinking of what kind of tea you'll have when you get in.

🧸

You sit down with your mug of ginger citrus tea and set to editing your post. You add a light filter to the photos as you shuffle through them on your laptop. The process is slow as the computer is nearly five years old now and chuffing on its 4GB drive. You get to the selfie you snapped, a stop.

You lean in to get a better glimpse of the background. It's fuzzy but there's a figure just over your shoulder. How could that be? You looked and there was no one there. That's so strange.

You stare as a chill courses through you. You're thankful you hadn't put your earphones in. You wouldn't have heard whoever it was and they may have even snuck up on you. Or maybe it's just a trick of the light.

You hit ‘post’ and try to shake off the foreboding. It's nothing. You're being silly. Besides, you're home and safe now. Next time, you'll be more alert.

A message pops up. You stare at the dot over the chat bubble. You tap with your thumb and bring up the DMs.

'Stream tonight?' BourbonBear asks.

You tilt your head. You already did some today. You're tired and want to lie down and enjoy your time off. You type back 'sorry, not tonight. tomorrow <3' and another notification vibrates. A comment on your latest post.

'Pretty sweater', also from BourbonBear. You heart their comment and leave a thanks below.

You flip back to the selfie. You can't really see your sweater in the picture, just the scalloped knitting of the collar. Well, you suppose it does look cute. You put your phone down and leave it on your desk. That's enough Insta for today.

🧸

You time your shopping trip for the least busy hour. It's early and the store is almost empty except for employees stacking bread on shelves or wandering listlessly around the deli. You have your phone in the basket of the cart, aimed at you as you roll it along slowly and check your list.

The stream is just as empty. It's only just started but you don't expect too many people to be up at this hour. You stop and grab a loaf of sourdough, checking the date before showing it to the lens and putting it in the cart. You smile and announce the next item.

"Strawberries... you know I was thinking I might get raspberries instead," you say, catching the eye of one of the yawning employees. You must seem like a weirdo. It's why you typically don't film in public.

As you roll around to the fruit, you notice the count change. One viewer. You choose a basket of raspberries and show those. You see a message float up; morning.

You smile and return the greeting softly and place the berries down carefully beside your phone. You need yogurt to go with the berries.

You work down the list, making some substitutes as you tick off each item. You linger in the ice cream section a bit too long and talk yourself out of a gallon of rocky road. You lean on the handle of the cart and smile down at the lens.

"Going to check out," you say, "see you all later."

All? There's still just the one. You end the stream and take your phone out of the basket.

You wheel around to checkout and line up at the only open till. You put your items up as you greet the cashier with a smile. She seems tired as she gives a dull response.

As you put the yogurt on the belt, you sense someone join the queue behind you. You glance over as a large man stands only feet away. He's tall and burly and staring at you. Maybe he heard you talking to your audience, or he would think, yourself. You continue to unload your groceries.

"Never tried those," he comments as you take out a box of strawberry Pocky.

You pause and hold them up, chuckling nervously, as you do.

"Pretty good," you answer, "I eat way too many."

You notice the man doesn't have a basket or a cart. That realisation needles under your skin. Maybe he's just getting lotto or smokes?

"You like sweet stuff."

"Too much," you squeak even though it doesn't sound like a question.

He just stares, not saying a word. You swallow tightly and pull the last few items out of the cart and get behind it to wheel it through the lane. As you do, he looms closely, adding to the sweat gathering on your lower back.

You roll along and wait for the cashier to ring through the rest of your things. She bags them up neatly in two large paper bags. You pay with your card and thank her as you lift the first into your cart. The man behind you moves forward and grabs the second, startling you.

"Got it," he says as he places it with the other, squeezing by you, crowding you.

"Oh, excuse me, sir," you stammer, "oh," you lean on the cart to roll it to the end of the lane as you make space between you and the stranger. "Thanks, er, uh... thanks."

You turn and grab the handle, jittering. He's really weirding you out. Especially as you realise he's walked right by the cashier. He's following you.

"I can help get ‘em in your car," he offers in a drawl.

"Oh, that's alright, I... bus," you cringe as you realise you've said too much.

"I could drive you. I have a truck."

"No thank you," you walk faster, the cart rattling with your pace.

"Why not?"

"I don't know you, erm, sorry--"

"You don't?" He catches up and shoves his phone in your face, your Insta profile glaring back at you, "I paid for the milk, maybe the berries..."

"What?" You stop, just by the door and turn to him. "I don't--"

"You haven't eaten, have you? I'll take you for French toast. That's your favourite."

"Um," you blink at him as your eyes tinge, "I don't..."

"You got me through a hard campaign, just wanna say thank you," he adjusts his cap and you notice the pin on it. He's a veteran. Oh, 'campaign'. 

“Just got back home," he shifts on his feet, a meek gesture for such a large man, "and... your videos helped me remember it. Helped me hold onto it in the sh-- in the stuff."

"I... wow, okay, that's... I'm glad I could do that."

"I really don't mind giving you a ride. Lots of weirdos on the bus," he insists.

"That's nice but--"

"Please," he softens his tone, "been a while since I sat down and had breakfast without worrying about the sky falling."

You shudder and grip the cart tight. You don't know how to say no. You didn't think about who was watching. You always just assumed they were bots. Then you think of the chaching noise and the amount flashing on the screen.

"BourbonBear?" You ask.

"Yeah," he cracks a crooked smile and smooths his hand over his thick beard. "Everyone calls me Syv.”

[skyfallscotland]

I don't like, talk about it often (just kidding, I do), but I'm really struggling with the friendship aspect of life right now. I've been thinking about it a lot today because of the things that are coming up both in my personal life and online, and it just...really sucks.

I saw this morning that Ali Hazelwood deactivated her instagram account after basically being bullied off the internet for something she said kind of 'off the cuff' about the Hunger Games characters. I knew she'd said it because I saw her post on stories last night begging people to at least stop commenting mean things on posts other authors were tagged in, because she was concerned about them.

In her story she said that she'd thought they (her and an interviewer) were joking around and she hadn't meant it in the literal sense, and asked for people to be patient with her because she's really 'not good at this stuff' and for a moment I felt so seen because it feels like I can never get it right either.

Either I think we're joking around and I manage to offend someone by saying something stupid, or I think it's obvious I'm being literal (or not literal) and it apparently isn't, or my opinion offends someone when I'm not asking anyone else to take it on, I'm just saying literally how I feel. I don't know. If there's a happy medium, I just haven't found it.

Like I'm not saying I've never said anything thoughtless, or stupid, or even downright mean—I know I have. I'm just saying there seems to be an expectation now that in every interaction big or small, with one person or an audience of a thousand, that we consider how it might come across negatively when that experience is also dictated by the recipient. It just feels impossible. Communication isn’t a linear process. Other people’s experiences form their reactions too, not just what we say and how we say it.

It's worsened my anxiety to an untenable degree and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do besides not comment on anything, ever, and hold myself at arms length from everyone. Whatever happened to discussion? Because it feels like that's just...not a thing anymore.

I'm at my wits end with this. No one ever agrees with everyone on everything, no one ever goes through any friendship without thinking 'that was a shitty thing to say' at least once, but my philosophy has always just been to move on. I wouldn’t like, give someone the silent treatment over it or cancel plans or anything.

I don’t know, I feel like I can admit when I’ve upset someone and I always apologise because I really do think you don’t get to decide how you make other people feel, but I also think if you can’t have differing opinions on fictional characters, or writing, or celebrities then what’s the point? I know people attach a lot of meaning to the arts and fandom, but if you have to second guess what you say about those things as well as the serious things, all that’s left to talk about is the weather.

The real kicker to this is that I have a degree in this shit and I still apparently cannot figure it out, and all my therapist can say is ‘no, I think you handled that ok’ and I’m like???

Like I’m sorry we don’t see certain things the same way but I’m kinda tired of being treated like I’ve killed someone’s cat. Many people’s cats. One after another. (I’ve never killed any cats). Thank you for coming to my TED talk x

[celestie0]

hi friends, i won’t be posting or updating any of my works for an indefinite period n will be on hiatus from this blog as well.

i’ve unlisted kickoff & ihm on ao3 (haven’t deleted, they’ve just been made private) and i’ve unpinned my masterlist here on tumblr (again nothing’s been deleted so you could probably find the chapters if you searched my tags)

but the reason i did that is because i don’t want any new readers finding my works during my hiatus because i don’t want to potentially upset more people in the event that, during this hiatus, i decide that i would no longer like to write my fics

that would be an insanely sad decision to make. i put so much thought into my stories not because i am trying to make them entertaining, but it’s because they genuinely mean so much to me and are cathartic in ways i can’t describe. i have spent a great majority of my life self negating for the sake of others, and so writing was just a form of expression where i could talk about all the things i’ve suppressed over the years - anxiety, career stress, financial stress, avoidance, depression, loss, coming of age, navigating love, etc

but lately, and i do think it’s been a build up of just some careless words from a handful of people over the months, i find myself steering towards a practice of writing that is no longer asking the question “how can i put as much of myself in this piece as possible?” but rather “how can i make sure people won’t criticize this…i feel awful that it doesn’t have what they want it to have…other creators are doing xyz, should i be doing that too?…i’m just scared to share this”

not exactly sure when that shift in headspace began, but as of right now, it’s as strong as ever. and i understand that those questions may seem irrational, and i just have to try to not focus on the feeling, n i wish i was someone that could compartmentalize those thoughts better, but here’s the thing — the whole reason i started expressing myself through writing in the first place was because i’ve spent my whole life compartmentalizing. it would feel so ironic & untrue to the lessons i’ve learned in this journey if i just chose to “suck this up” and continue pushing forward until i reach a point of burnout simply because i don’t want to upset anyone

i’m really sorry i couldn’t focus on the positive. especially with all the insane n incredible amount of love n support i’ve received for my works. i’ve said this time n time again but when i started posting kickoff to ao3 back in january of this year, i had NO idea it would be this loved by so many people…i was like ok can’t wait to interact w these four readers for the rest of the year…and then BAM, i find myself fully sobbing after each chapter update because i was so touched by all the sweet n kind words. i don’t want this decision to come off in a way that makes it seems like i don’t love u guys sm or that i’m ungrateful — i’ve always taken pride in respecting my audience. even for a simple hobby, i try to put effort into my works. i proofread, i plan out, i edit in length, all because i am, well, for one, i’m a bit of a perfectionist LOL but also i think there’s a great deal of honor in respecting an audience that gives you their time n attention

but i already am struggling in my life to focus on the positive. medicine has been such an incredibly daunting career to pursue, i’m honestly only doing slightly better now because i’m just filled with relief that i got into med school to begin with lol it’s still surreal to me, so the stress has been kinda manageable so far on that sense of optimism, but dear god the shit i went through to get here…and the shit i know i still face ahead of me. i spend all of my serotonin on trying to stay positive in the face of my responsibilities. so all of this time i’ve spent trying to stay positive for the sake of my stories too has just left me with so much exhaustion — i just don’t see why posting my works should be anything less than fun and endlessly exciting when it’s a hobby that’s supposed to help me thru the actual brunt of life.

anyways, i’m getting a little carried away here. all this to say, i just need to take time away from posting my works so i can see writing as something for myself n not for others again. i don’t want the thoughts swimming in my head to be thoughts of anxiety over people potentially criticizing me n my creative decisions. i want the thoughts in my head to once again be positive, excited, and nurturing towards my stories. i don’t see how i can accomplish that at this point unless i start writing for myself once more, and not for others

i still have a great deal of passion to write, which is why i haven’t formally taken down my works. i anticipate that i may be able to come back in the future to share my writing again. but as of right now, i just want to heal the relationship that i have with this hobby, and i feel like that’s gotta happen in private (lmfao it sounds like im tryna freak my writing)

i’m sorry that i turned off my asks n my replies, i know so many of u care about me n want to support me n i just am beyond thankful. i don’t anticipate this is a forever goodbye, but i do just need some time rn away from all of this.

hope u all have a happy time!! and take care of yourselves :) much love

- ellie

[athenaeum-of-the-herald]

I havent been on Tumblr in a few days and that's kinda sad for my brain. I love Tumblr. But I had to do some introspection and realized that posting had stopped feeling fun and moreso an obligation.

I started my blog as a little virtual diary, and a way to just talk about hellenic polytheism because it made me happy. But at some point I noticed that all of my posts had started becoming educational and I felt stressed at the idea of not putting up long teaching posts but I'd be stressed writing them because I wanted to post other little stuff about helpol. And I kinda had to sit with myself and ask why I felt like I HAD to constantly post lessons. Because I don't. My blog is my own, I can have fun with it.

I think some of the anxiety also came from some comments people have made about me and my server. About how a lot of my members have looked to me as a sort of leader and guide and how it's a bad thing. Which I can understand. I think sometimes I get scared of being wrong, so I try to learn as much as possible, and then I share that, and I'm looked to as someone knowledgeable on stuff. And it makes me happy when I can help my friends and members! It does make me anxious, though, when it's treated like they don't have minds of their own and follow me exclusively without doing research. And then the idea of doing lesson posts fills me with dread because it feels like I'm feeding into those allegations. But then I don't want people to NOT be educated on a topic I know a lot about. But I don't want people to think the people who follow my lesson posts are mindless sheep. And I'm certainly no shepard, I'm still learning myself. So it kinda becomes this endless cycle of internal turmoil.

It was a weird sense of catharsis, making these realizations. Remembering that this was never a teaching account, but rather, one for me to gush about how happy I am in helpol and vent when I'm upset and share the things that I learn and know and hopefully inspire/teach others. That this account was started because I live in a Christian household, and I wanted a safe space to be my most authentic self.

I'll continue posting lessons, of course! I genuinely love making them, and I love how many people they help. But I'm gonna keep in mind that the main focus of this blog has always been my secret little hidey hole of emotions ♡

[fanficmanic]

I've finally watched 8x16 and 8x17

Just to be safe cause I don't want anyone coming at me with pitchforks and fire - spoiler alert for 8x16 and 8x17

Oh, and probably long post ahead - be warned. I need to let this off my chest and vent.

For 8a, I didn't watch any of the episodes live. I didn't have a source for that at the time, and I always kept an eye on here to sort of give myself a heads-up of what happened in each episode. Then 8b came and I found a website to watch live - which is 12 pm Friday where I live, meaning the episode airs while I'm at work.

Still, I kept watching each episode live, and put in live reactions, and went nuts over predictions and obsessed over possibilities.

Then March 31 happened, and nothing was the same again.

A week later, I went on vacation (still in that vacation as I type this - got 5 more days), where episodes air at 3 am local time. I watched 14 the day after cause I was jet lagged and couldn't wake up for it, then I watched 15 live and cried so hard to the point that I woke up my husband and he freaked out. When I explained what was going on, he just hugged me and asked if I wanted him to stay up with me to vent (this is important for another point I will be making below). I'm kinda glad that all of this was happening while I was busy seeing friends who I haven't seen in years, cause otherwise, I would've driven myself insane during that one week hiatus before 16.

Still, I couldn't find it in me to wake up for 16 and watch live. I wanted to, I really did, but I just couldn't do it. Then I read all the negative feedback and I was like, nope. Not doing this. So I found a clip of the funeral, watched that, and called it a day. This, for someone like me who hasn't gotten so hyper-focused on a tv show in years, is so OOC. I still didn't watch it, even after 17 aired, which I didn't watch live either (not for lack of wanting, but the website I use is blocked where I am currently).

This morning, I woke up to an insane amount of posts here about 17 - and my fandom bestie whose opinion I treasure the most (looking at you @cathcer1984) said that I have to watch it. So, I downloaded 16 & 17, and only was able to watch them now.

Here are my thoughts on 16 (better late than never, I suppose):

No matter what Gerrard does, and no matter how he acts, he'll always be an asshole to me.

Hen and Chim were phenomenal. Their acting was out of this world, and the makeup department deserves awards cause it felt like Chim had aged 10 years.

Buck, who has a chronic case of abandonment issues-itis, was clearly barely holding himself together. He was putting on a strong mask because Bobby told him that they'll need him, and he'd die before disappointing Bobby even through the great beyond.

Eddie only being there for a few minutes pissed me off, but man did he do an excellent job. That single tear that trickled down his face when they saluted Bobby broke me.

Athena's dealing with her grief by working the dead child's case was so in character that I wasn't even upset.

Even though I had watched the funeral scene last week (and cried), I still cried again - and once more, my husband just hugged me and wiped away my tears.

I'm kinda conflicted about Bobby being buried next to his first wife and kids. I mean, it's a beautiful move and very emotional, but that doesn't give people a place to visit him and talk to him. I'm also kinda pissed that Buck, Eddie, Hen, and Chimney didn't get on that plane with Athena, May, and Harry.

Now, like I said, I woke up today to insane posts around here, and I was so confused that at one point I thought I'd be watching Buck and Eddie throwing fists at each other.

However, now that I've watched the episode, I'm starting to wonder if I'm watching the same show as everyone else is - particularly those who are calling Eddie abusive.

Again, the acting was phenomenal, the cases were typical 9-1-1, and the team work at the end kinda showed that the team might still be grieving, but they still work together seamlessly.

The talk that Eddie had with Hen and Karen proved to me that they actually don't know what Bobby told Buck - that they'd need him. I don't think they'd be annoyed by it if they did. On the contrary, I think they'd be working on helping him unburden himself from the heavy load Bobby (unintentionally) put on him.

As for that kitchen scene, I honestly think it was incredible. The acting OS and RG pulled was crazy, and I could feel their grief and anger and helplessness as if it was my own. Again, I don't think Eddie knows what Bobby told Buck - he's still not over the fact that he wasn't there with the rest when the worst happened. And he's lashing lashing out - justifiably so. And this brings me back to what I was saying about my husband earlier.

See, the thing is, we all know that Eddie was brought up to the notion that showing any sign of emotion is weakness. He's repressed and feeling guilty on top of mourning someone who has literally saved his life. In all the past seasons, we've only ever seen him cry when he had that meltdown - and he did that behind a locked door that Buck had to break down. We actively saw him hold back his emotions and become completely stoic: when Shannon died; when he thought Chris was dead during the tsunami (even if it was for a few minutes); when Buck was struck by lightning, during Bobby's funeral, and so on. Yet, we see him try to hold back his tears when he's talking to Buck in the kitchen after pointing that menacing finger at him (can you hear the irony?).

This brings me to what I mentioned about my husband earlier. My husband and I have been together for almost 16 years - married for 14. We've been through so many different things that have caused us immense pain and resulted in one of us lashing out at the other. Our most recent issue is related to my health, which has been going on for about 3 years now, and if you ask anyone who knows me, they'd tell you that I'm ok - managing but ok. They never see my frustration and my pain and my tears, only my husband does, because he's my safe space. I know I can vent and express my frustration in whichever way I find helpful at the time, and that he'll always hold me, help me up, and support me.

This is what's going on with Eddie. He said that he couldn't cry when he received the news because he didn't want to freak out his kid. We saw him with his clenched jaw during the funeral. Still, maybe on an unconscious level, he knew that, standing there in front of Buck in his old kitchen, he's safe to let go of everything that's been eating at him regarding Bobby's death.

On a not-so-different note, Chimney punched Buck and everyone is a-ok with him (even though it's been years since), yet, here we have people calling Eddie abusive and toxic.

Then we've got Buck, who has a chronic case of abandonment issue-itis, and who (even before Bobby died) always wants to help his family and fix things. He's going around rating people's grief so that he can figure out how to help them - it's the only way he know how to do things. But he can see that they don't need him, not the way Bobby said they would, and he ends up in a confessional booth trying to contact Bobby (may I suggest a Ouija board next time?).

But even though Eddie lashed out at Buck, and even though Buck called Eddie a jerk after reading his note, Eddie (who can barely afford anything by being an uber driver) flew his son over to cheer Buck up, and Buck - the man with a heart bigger than the universe - accepted that with the good faith that it is because Eddie gave him what he needs (his family) without him having to ask for it. Because Eddie saw that Buck was trying to help everyone BUT himself, and he stepped up to do that.

Was Buck making everything about him again? Maybe, but then again this is the same person who has had to spend his entire childhood working on getting his parent's attention. Nothing makes sense about grief - like Karen said: you're grieving, fair can go fuck itself (she didn't say that, but she might as well have).

Anyway - if you've gotten this far, I thank you for reading my rambles and venting. I needed to get this off my chest because I've been feeling like I want to scream at my phone all day after reading all the different posts. Like I said in an earlier post - the amount of people I've unfollowed after the last two episodes is a lot.

[dr-spectre]

Hello everyone, wanna give a quick update because I have some important stuff to share.

So basically I've been thinking about this for a little bit now and... i wanna start slowing down. I look back at the posts I've made and I've realised that I've done a LOT of posts over the past several months.

IM NOT GONNA DISAPPEAR DONT WORRY!!! I won't be gone!!! I'm not taking a giant break or anything. I just need to allow myself to recharge a bit. Because I feel myself actually getting tired and burning out and i wanna prevent an actual burn out from happening.

When I look at my inbox and I see the asks I get, sometimes I go "man... I really don't wanna respond to this... it'll be too much mental effort. But... the person might get upset or feel hurt that I didn't respond..." that shit weighs a ton on me. It's not to say that peoples asks are bad, HELL NO!! I love getting most of them! It's just that... I'm tired and sometimes I don't know how the hell to respond to something.

Another reason why I wanna slow down is because well... I kindaaa had a mental crisis... I've been feeling very... numb and angry? recently? which is kinda weird considering that Shadow Generations came out and Splatoween is around the corner. Yet i... feel nothing.

I feel my love for Callie slowly dying. It's just that... the common and gross takes about Hypno Callie are starting to really get into me and I'm feeling it's effects. When i see Callie i don't go "CALLIE!!!!!!!!" anymore, i go "Callie....." It's making me feel sad and when i see Callie i think about those takes. They flood into my head.... i feel so childish and dumb... and that i should accept what's "canon" instead of being some obsessive autistic loser.

I don't know what even happened. I think i hate the Splatoon community and youtubers HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I've also started to feel numb because when i tend to become very passionate and excessive, i then get told off for it. It's like im always pushed down. So if they want me to shut up... fine... i'll shut up. I'll be a grey nothing burger.

Anyways, i'll see you guys later.

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

me when i finally have my proper off days : why yes, out of all my wips, i certanly must finish this one. 🐾

...

(this thingy was sitting in my drafts for like, 3 months by now. an' after a long working week, i decided that i need to finish it as a treat to myself. the horrible goblin men can be a cute meow-meows too. for me they are at least.

but uh, admitingly there isn't much thinking process behind this one lol. aside from the fact, that after drawing them with cat features, i decided to draw them as actual cats too. so i lowkey designed the cats, i suppose. or well, at least i gave them some small things that would make them a bit closer to their human counterparts.

like, jack canonically have a bit of hair on his chin, pretty much always. my dude has no idea how to shave cleanly *crime master never taught him that skill, i guess* so i draw him those uh, lil hair on his chin as a cat too, but this time, its the whiskers. an' jon is always covered in hay, so as a cat, he might as well be covered in that too. prob bc he hunts mice in the hay all the time.

as cat people, they are like, pretty much the same men, when they're just men, without cat stuff. it's just that jon can get a tad upset, when batman calls him the 'bad cat'. an' jack constatly hears from flash, that this time he will put him down for sure *he never does* also look out for those claws. they are sharp!

anyways, here my nonsense as last post for this month. an' hopefully, a small charm for good luck. gotta just create silly stuff like this sometimes. an' i also wanted this to be a bit of a callback to the first time, when i drawn them together *even if it was a different jack*, both in colors an' poses. it was the second art, which i posted on this blog [waves hand] kinda a sentimental thingy, but i just wanted to do it.)

[starlene]

Anne of the Island Book Club: Chapter 14

Okaaaay.

Faced with Ruby's dying fears, Anne feels "it was difficult for [her] to speak to any one of the deepest thoughts of her heart" – but even so, she deals with Ruby better than I think many professional therapists or theologians would.

Maybe it's because I've always been of the socially awkward sort myself and thus I cannot understand how anyone as young as Anne here can be anything but a fumbling mess with other people, let alone in a literal life-and-death situation... but even if I disregard that knee-jerk reaction, I feel like for a 19-year-old who gets upset when people post constructive criticism in her Wattpad comments, Anne is unrealistically good with people.

We've already seen she's brilliant with children (or at least, brilliant with Davy), and now, she's also brilliant with the dying. I mean, good for Ruby, it's great that she can have this conversation and pass away peacefully – but yeah, I just kinda feel like Anne is exhibiting quite a lot more wisdom and/or people skills here than you'd expect of someone of her age.

~

I also want to say that I think the part where Anne thinks about Ruby's attitude towards life, "She had laid up her treasures on earth only; she had lived solely for the little things of life" etc., is a bit... uuuuggghhhh.

In my mind, no matter how religious you are, a 19-year-old dying of an incurable disease is a tragedy, and said dying 19-year-old feeling upset about it is not indicative of some kind of a character flaw.

Ruby expresses sorrow that she'll never get the chance to be a wife and a mother. I don't know, I'm neither religious nor do I dream of becoming either of those things myself – but I feel like having to give up your dream of having a family because you're dying at 19 is always awful, no matter whether you've been a hopeless flirt all your life or an extra pious model Christian. The narrative paints Ruby as unreasonable here, which I think is incredibly unfair.

Oh well. It is what it is; I guess some ways, this book is simply very much a product of its time.

~

Anyway, I don't think this chapter is all bad, it's just incredibly heavy-handed when it comes to delivering the moral of the story. I've always found the description of Ruby dying touching, I think "And, while light feet danced and bright eyes laughed and merry tongues chattered, there came a summons to a soul in Avonlea that might not be disregarded or evaded" is a beautiful way of putting it.

I'm from a culture where open-casket funerals are not a common thing, so a a child, and to some extent even know, Ruby in an open casket and especially Avonleans talking of the sight of her for years afterwards (!) feels macabre to me. Macabre, and just plain weird.

"Ruby Gillis was the handsomest corpse she ever laid eyes on" – who says that!! I mean, yeah, Mrs. Lynde does – but really? The handsomest corpse?? Maybe it's just a culture difference, or maybe Mrs. Lynde is overstepping some boundaries here even in the original context, but to me, that feels like such a disrespectful thing to say it's making my skin crawl.

~

In any case, I think it was an especially interesting experience to reread this chapter an adult.

As a nine-year-old, I think I just read through this thinking, uh-huh, makes sense, if you're pretty but not intelligent in life then death will fix that, yeah.

Nowadays, I vibe with Diana feeling uncomfortable at the end of the chapter. You and me both, girl. You and me both.

[xbomboi]

misc. bribelle thoughts

prefacing this by saying bribelle is my favorite ship. actually might be one of my favorite all time ships considering whenever i catch 11:11 i make a tweet on my priv twitter saying “11:11 bribelle and rarijack” because i’m insane.

anywho…

i think it’s a lot easier to justify saying faybelle potentially has feelings for briar in a canon context because even aside from her diary, her behavior in epic winter can most definitely be read with flirtatious undertones, especially after witnessing the dream sequence

but i’m always trying to justify things to myself in accordance to canon without feeling ooc, because i’m the type of creative who would rather write my own original thing than make alterations to a pre-existing work. that’s just me.

and briar is trickier to do so with. in the show alone, she only actually verbally responds to faybelle once and it’s a line that also adds exposition. “but it’s forbidden!” girl come on throw faybelle a bone at least…

by epic winter, i’d say briar could potentially have had surface level attraction to faybelle, but it isn’t until having that dream and probably especially post-epic winter when she’d get time to actually reflect on it that she’d start to develop palpable feelings for her.

i’ve kinda noticed something about briar: she likes attention. i guess she’s kinda like faybelle in that respect.

briar grew up with neglectful parents. fill in the blanks. why wouldn’t she want attention when she lacks it properly from the two most important people in her life?

along this line of thinking, briar especially values explicit displays of affection, particularly from a potential romantic partner.

so, regrettably, let’s look at her relationship with hopper.

i.e. briar’s behavior in the webisode “Here Comes Cupid.”

when she first confronts hopper about his unconventional advances, she’s disinterested and borderline repulsed.

but after hearing him profess his love via the recording, she’s taken aback and actually grows endeared.

until this BAFOON fumbles the bag and does some really creepy shit by leaning into her personal space and calling her hot. understandably, this miffs briar and she once again loses interest.

(side note, too many people ignore how blatantly creepy hopper is to women, ESPECIALLY briar. he needs to be held accountable, not rewarded by getting the girl.)

even then, despite not necessarily returning his affections, she’s somewhat comfortable in the status quo that he devotes his attention to her. which is exactly why i think in bunny’s diary (bunny is wrong btw she doesn’t know a damn thing so idk why the one wiki that’s not the official wiki list hopper as briars crush when the source is bunny’s word like fuck all) bunny mentions observing briar appearing disappointed when ginger asks hopper to the dance and he accepts.

to briar, it’s like she’s losing one of the few things she’s familiar with, the few constants in her life. in this case, her only plausible option who she’d have reason to believe would accept. and we all know how briar is about losing things.

briar sorta settles into this state of fondness towards hopper’s affections, despite them being unrequited. because at least he gives a damn about her.

faybelle—at least, outside of her diary and up until epic winter—might as well be any villain; faybelle just wants to cause chaos for the sake of ruining somebody’s day. and i don’t think briar likes it that way.

i’d assume around the time of faybelle’s introduction to the series, briar’s stance would be one of upset towards faybelle, believing she doesn’t take their story as seriously as she(briar) does. that her role in sleeping beauty isn’t as important to her as being evil in general.

i have half the mind to say that this could potentially be read from briar’s behavior in faybelle’s diary.

first off, that underlining wasn’t added; the underlines are in the official print. meaning briar is putting emphasis on those words specifically. sure it’s a lesson to faybelle about not being an asshole, but also it reflects on briar in a way. like it could be her saying, “you’re supposed to be my villain, but you act like i’m no different to you than anyone else.”

now, this next part is obviously a surface-level gag about faybelle making a malicious act seem so thrilling, but if we close our eyes and pretend that we’re in a different world called I.D.G.A.F. dimension, we can now analyze this in a different light.

briar’s confused by faybelle’s verbal expression of almost-affection. it doesn’t help that she’s most definitely barely awake. but i’m willing to say her confusion is partially born out of actually having heard faybelle say such a thing. it’s gotta be surprising and hard to believe in that moment, because briar has every reason to think otherwise.

in the show, like i said, faybelle just does whatever the fuck. open a sweat shop? sure why not. assist her peer’s mom in attempting to turn the entire world into her own dictatorship? count her in. make a deal with the mafia? just a regular tuesday. but god forbid she focus on being the one to make the sleeping happen in sleeping beauty.

i think that irks briar. or at least make her generally act indifferent when faybelle comes waltzing around to do god knows what; if she won’t care, why should briar, right?

then there’s epic winter. or, as i like to call it in bribelle terms, “they finally fucking interacted”

when briar explains faybelle’s inclusion of herself to crystal, she simply says it’s her thing and cites the sleeping beauty story. like “hey crystal this is my villain btw, trust.”

later when briar’s yapping about the story, some may say it’s counterproductive in relation to briar’s arc that ashlynn brings up the miserable part of it only for briar to talk fondly of it, but i know briar personally, and have been filled in as to what the truth is.

briar dropped that attitude because faybelle was there. she started talking up the story, almost as a cue to faybelle, like “hey remember how you’re like a big part of my life’s purpose???”

faybelle butts in about it. and briar doesn’t get the chance to respond, but i think she was almost expecting faybelle NOT to gaf, so her doing so threw her off just a little. maybe she expected to hear something like “who cares?” instead.

then of course when they get to the castle briar’s little act is dropped and her deep fear of the sleeping beauty destiny is once again present. and of fucking COURSE that’s when faybelle decides to CARE ABOUT THEIR STORY.

listen to me, LISTEN. briar looks at faybelle BEFORE faybelle actually says “no, there’s another room far more important to our story. isn’t there, briar?” she looks at her BEFORE she actually talks. she was looking to see if she’d react, then when faybelle does speak she looks away, then she bumps her to get her attention so briar has to fight the adhd and lock in.

and faybelle just keeps instigating which honestly kinda takes briar out of her typical sulking over her destiny mood and more of like ‘what is your game here exactly’ mindset.

there’s so much to that look briar gives her. so many emotions in there.

after this they go up and faybelle taunts some more only for briar to almost actually prick her finger yada yada. and like i said, it’s a lot easier to understand faybelle’s pov. it’s very clear she doesn’t actually wanna go through with cursing briar, teasing and all. she makes as much obvious by her reaction alone when briar gets too close.

but once briar’s fine she’s like ‘yeah, okay, back to normal,’ meanwhile briar is kinda just done because faybelle is acting a fool. but she never shoves faybelle off of her unlike she did when hopper intruded on her boundaries huh briar why is that what’s that about briar still, briar has yet to have any indication from faybelle about how she actually feels in regards to their story and her role in it. or how it pertains to their relationship with each other. rather, faybelle doesn’t take it seriously much to briar’s chagrin.

then the dream sequence happens.

to me, this is the turning point.

it’s a stupid music video for an insert song, but goddamnit it confirmed darabella and even hunter got to be there with ashlynn so i’ll die standing on business.

this is what briar’s been waiting for from faybelle. that frenemy status is something i think briar wants to figure out which one to see faybelle as, depending on how she really wants to proceed with the story. and i’d say faybelle surprises her; hell, she even shows her a side of her rarely seen.

like with hopper, an outward display of affection such as this is something briar is drawn to. faybelle’s display towards briar in the dream sequence is something briar would be endeared by, as she goes out of her way to prevent her from experiencing the very thing she’s been dreading for so long. that’s gotta fit briar’s love language.

side note, i think it’s very very interesting to note that faybelle is the one to swoop in and save briar in this case, without any other characters present to show a significance in the ending of the story. i say this because hunter gets to be in ashlynn’s sequence and the bears are in blondie’s, despite none of them being in the tower asleep. all this is to say, if briar really did have feelings for hopper or really was gonna end up with him or some guy, they’d be there, right? but nope, just faybelle. I Understand.

after that we don’t really see them interact at all again, but there’s the general disdain for faybelle’s actions as a shared sentiment amongst the others. either way, by the end she shows remorse and seemingly ends on good terms with everyone, meaning i don’t see why briar wouldn’t be left thinking about the dream, seeing her in a whole new light. honestly briar would probably be kinda intrigued by the idea of the bad girl having a soft side for her. briar and i actually spoke about this the other day.

either way, this is briar learning that despite the general ignorance faybelle portrayed, she actually does care about her.

faybelle demonstrating, proving to briar that she is capable of showing affection and actually does care for her is what i think is enough for briar to begin to start falling. (which is kinda reflected in how i approached their relationship in fable fest.)

because briar knows there might actually be something there.

or maybe it’s a kid’s cartoon and one girl mean other one nice, idk.

[gl1tchy-4rt]

Okay I have to explain myself, idk what i was cooking here XD I realised that this post was pretty scuffed, rushed and mediocre (in my opinion) and as @technically-a-kiwi said and i quote "Altho it was kind of hard to read some of these part 'x), it does need smoothing to be more comprehensible"

so i took the positive constructivism, Privated the original post and rewrote it and I hope it's better now!

Hope you guys enjoy the New version!

and @anomal-repos here's so you re-repost the thing ;)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A guide to survive in the Eldritchverse (AKA: "Eldritch Tower Facts!" rewritten)

By Thobalu'viandohu or 'The Elder of the beginning'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1# Know The Boss (Me!)

Everyone has some sort of Boss and the other Gods are no different.

This is Totino (Me!); The boss. No mortal knows in what sense I'm their boss but I am, all of the Eldritch listen and obey Me.

I had been called... "creepy" and "unnervingly calm" but don't worry too much about Me! I am a benevolent boss and god....

Most of the time...

Okay i'll be honest with you, I won't deny that it is kinda funny seeing humanity cause their own demise and suffering over and over again...

2# How much Control do they have?

They have full control of the Earth and the universe, everything will bend to their own will.... Yet they let the World work on "free will" most of the time.

Why? Because it makes them feel more human and prevents the loss of humanity, both on themselves and the world.

3# What are the Tablets of Ruin?

There are Tablets of all kinds, from different cultures and materials, Detailing the characteristics of the "Final day", they talk about Who will cause it, Who are the Gods and what is their origin.

Overall, plenty of legends engraved unto them, in dialects of all kinds, some forgotten by time itself.

Rumors say these tablets are remnants of a past reality that no longer exists, in other words a warning, a premonition...

4# Can you kill a God?

No, no you can't, but you can severely hurt one.

After all, Plenty of things can happen when you are an Elder god, things that your now mortal vessel can't handle.

On the bright side if you are a god you can always let your body deform and regrow if necessary, no pain or years of healing needed... They just need to make sure no human sees them or they will tell the others, and the stress of being chased is the last thing they need at the moment.

5# What are Blood Flowers?

In lots of depictions, such as the ancient amate[1] depicting "The Killing of Mauhcayihuatl[2]" they show flowers, Marigolds in this cases, blooming in the God's wounds, those flowers fittingly referred to as "Blood Flowers" or "Wound Flowers"

No one, not even the Gods themselves, know why this happens, they suspect it is a response from their unconscious to avoid trauma, filling the space with something smoothing and kind like their favorite flower... and they are right!

6# Know your Constellations

The firmament is said to be the storybook of the universe, showing all kinds of stories to humanity, and that's no different with us, just like with the Greek and Roman gods, Our image has been found on the firmament.

Pictured above is "The Blind man's gaze" said to be depicting Philippos the Blind man, the human form of one of the deities.

The Constellations are necessary for some rituals and each God has their own stars, so know them well if you want to make such rituals correctly!

7# Are they aware of your Existence?

Yes...

Just... don't make them upset and you should be fine.

8# The Sigils of the Eyes

There's plenty of symbols related to them, including this one, it belongs to "The Lord of the Crops and Vermins"

These are called The "Sigils of the Eyes", each Sigil is unique to a God, they appear in a God's face when they use their Powers in their mortal form, due to this it's also called a "Glimpse of the Eldritch"

9# What is their Every day like?

They are Gods, and they do indulge in the pros. and glory of being gods but they also don't want to suffer a loss of humanity.

"Loss of humanity? On a God? That doesn't make sense..." You might think, but here's the thing, they were once humans.

Yup, you heard me right.

They are Human after all.

They have a mortal body, which they use to partake in everyday activities, with responsibilities, experiences of all kinds and mild pleasures, just like any other human.

They usually follow a pattern of having a certain life or job, sometimes they change it up from reality to reality, but they do have their favorite types of life.

For example, This god has a tendency to work as a chef.

Hope you enjoyed the guide, I hope you listened well cause and know how to deal with an intruder...

Knock-knock! I'm at your door!!

-------------------------

Notes:

[1]: Amate is a type of bark paper, kinda like papyrus paper, that has been manufactured in Mexico since the precontact times

[2]: Roughly translates from Nahuatl (Aztec language) to "The Lady of Terror and Chaos", Made from the Nahuatl words "Mauhcayotl" (Fear/Terror) and "Cihuatl" (Woman)

[cozzzynook]

can we plz have some dratchrod where roddy actually DOES know he's sparked?

I want this to be a long post which is why I waited so long to start it.

“You okay there Roddy?”

“Hm? Oh yeah, I’m fine,” he assured not looking up from the computer screen as he picked up the twisted sweet metal covered in tungsten shavings.

Drift looked at the snack in complete disgust but quickly hid it when he thought Rodimus was about to look up at him. He shivered in absolute repulsion when Rodimus hummed and added more tungsten to the sweet metal twist and happily ate the disaster not paying him any attention.

“Are ya sure?”

“Yeah, why?”

Rodimus still hadn’t looked up at Drift and the mech was pouting at that. He wanted Roddy’s attention and he was going to get it.

“Oh just, just checking on you,” Drift said wrapping his arms around Rodimus’s neck cables, placing a suggestive kiss to his flare that was oddly cool.

“Are you cold Roddy?”

The words were said with questioning accusation and that made Rodimus look up.

“Its nothing serious Drift, don’t go dragging Ratchet in here on his day off over nothing,” he couldn’t help but stress that last part as his words were falling on deaf audials. That and well, his emotive balance was so out of wack.

“There’s no way you’re fine when you’re cold Roddy, cold. You are never cold. We’re going back to our hab where Ratty can look you over,” Drift hauled Rodimus up by his under arms and that made the mech stumble.

He felt his tanks shifting and he gagged almost purging from the sudden movement.

It did not go unnoticed by Drift whose optics widened before he grabbed the waist bin with unfair speed and held it at his upper chassis where he promptly grabbed the bin and purged the contents of his tanks.

Drift was pinging Ratchet waking the mech from recharge telling him the situation.

Rodimus tried to speak through the purging but he couldn’t even lift his servo up.

He needed Drift’s help lowering back into the chair where he managed to sigh from relief before his last roll of nausea emptied his tank and he was rubbing the plump area with a shaky servo.

“Roddy I swear if you’ve been sick this whole time and have been keeping it from us I will throttle-”

“Leave the threats to me Drift, I’m more than ready to give them,” Rodimus glanced at Ratchet who was looking half well rested as he made his way over to the two.

‘Well there goes my time to myself and the surprise,’ he grumbled before stilling as he rubbed a tender spot on his plating that was trying to make him purge again.

He rolled his optics at Ratchet and Drift completely shocking the two at the sudden shift in attitude.

“I’m not sick, I already know whats wrong with me. So kindly let go and don’t scan me without permission. I’m in my right mind so no actually you can’t,” he frowned towards the end of his statement. Pulling himself free of Drifts hold as he kept a servo on his tank and sat back in his chair.

He was too weak to do more than that, emotive imbalance really took a lot of him when he was upset and so did purging.

“And do kindly tell us just why you haven’t said anything or how you found out without me diagnosing you?”

Ratchet did not take well to being out of the loop on their medical charts and for a moment he remembered the time he fell out because his medicine dosage was wrong and his spark didn’t get the stimulants necessary to regulate it.

He had an audial full from both mechs and wasn’t allowed from their sights for months.

Thats kinda how he ended up in this situation he was in now.

All those months spent bending him over when they were alone..with more than a few times wearing no spike sleeve definitely did it.

He should’ve been more careful.

‘Damnit,’ he tried sniffling discreetly but those two always saw everything. ‘Stupid roller emotives,’ he felt anger flaring again and Drift and Ratchet were looking concerned for him again.

“Roddy? We promise, it’s okay,” Drift assured him bending down putting a servo on his shoulder, “whatever it is we’ll still love you.”

He turned away looking up and had to rush his words, “it’s not..i’ll tell you later. It’s not..bad..I don’t think..its..I’ll tell you later okay? I promise. First Aid already knows he checked me over and yes Ratchet I trust you but sometimes its easier going to First aid since I’m not fucking him.”

He was glad he put it so bluntly. It made Drift laugh and it made Ratchet his usual grouchy self.

“I’ll meet you guys in our hab later? Please?”

They looked beyond hesitant and now that he’s not swinging on anger he completely understands.

‘This is going to be such a long two years, got damnit.’

He vented deeply to calm his nerves and smiled when they agreed.

They were slow to leave and he was glad Ratchet didn’t scan him in secret and that Drift didn’t try any weird techniques to get a reading on his vitals and internal logs.

He laid back in his chair and looked down at his tanks where he sighed again and put a servo on the bump.

He closes his optics and just let himself rest for a while.

He was so thankful the two trusted him and believed him, gave him space to think and relax even after he purged in front of them and got weak.

He didn’t know how they would take him being sparked but he did hope the reaction wouldn’t be bad.

Cleaning his office and turning on a scent cleanser Rodimus left his office and wandered to the upper decks where they kept a large array of things. He wandered until he made it to the door that was always unlocked and stepped inside.

Trying to calm his nerves, he went past the heavier items and moved towards the smaller things. He looked around wondering what would best describe why he was in his current predicament that was easiest to understand.

He couldn’t decide between a stuffed toy, a bottle, a clothing item, or a pacifier.

He wondered if he should just grab it all and hope for the best?

“No..it should be special right?”

He didn’t want to regret telling them, this wouldn’t be something he could do over and thats a big reason he didn’t want to tell them earlier when they were all in bad spirits.

Deep down somewhere within he wanted this. A major part of him was afraid and didn’t ever want to have a sparkling because he disliked so many things about himself and didn’t want to damage another being. But he also use to dream of little pedes waking him and tiny optics opening after a big yawn.

He wanted this, he just..knew it wasn’t fair for someone else to have this with him.

He was not the viable option to have a sparkling with and thats why he struggled so much in keeping them. He still has a minor window to extinguish the new spark but now he would have to explain that to Drift and Ratchet and it would be hard to write that off or dodge them when he was recovering.

Sure he could keep it private since it was his frame but..he didn’t want to do that to them.

He vents a little too hard, rubbing his tanks to keep them from getting too upset and he continues his search.

“Maybe I should just go with something like the stuff toy and bottle? Drift will like the toy and Ratch will say the bottle is practical, he’ll like that.”

He could easily find things they’d like but he doesn’t know or see anything he’ll like.

He just sighs and grabs the two items ready to turn and leave when he spots something.

Walking over, he feels anticipation thrumming and he lifts the small item.

It’s a sparklings blanket.

The blanket has the old stitchings of Nyonian stars and he drops the bottle and stuff toy on top of something else as he holds the blanket close.

He feels his optics watering and he holds the cloth close, crying fluid into it as static sparks in his vox.

He stays there for a good while, just holding the blanket he feels a connection to.

Its not his.

Everything of his was destroyed during the fall of Nyon but this. This is a piece of history that can’t be forgotten or recreated.

Old servos made this for a loved one and while he feels guilty its not his loved one they made it for he feels honored being able to use it.

Looking at his chronometer, Rodimus leaves the room, taking the galaxy themed pacifier with him before leaving towards their hab.

When he quietly enters, he glances around to see the two recharging on the couch with the tv on.

They were waiting for him it seems.

He feels bad and carefully shifts them so they’re more comfortable laying down as he moves the pillow and puts a blanket over them.

He turns the tv off and cleans the area, holding the blanket in his arms with the pacifier inside.

He places the blanket between them so it rests on their touching chassis and he gazes at them before going to their berth and laying down.

He hopes that in the morning when the two wake they’ll be happy with the news.

He’s not sure they’ll even get it.

But he does know one thing.

He’ll do this.

With or without them.

And when morning comes and he wakes to Drift excitedly shaking him awake with Ratchet smiling as he feels on his tanks, he knows everything will be okay.